Getting ready for AIDS/LifeCycle 11

It’s that time of year again. I’m gearing up for this year’s AIDS/LifeCycle, a 545 mile bike ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles that raises funds to help end the AIDS epidemic.

Last year’s ride was a major success. A total of 2,350 bicyclists and 600 volunteer roadies raised a record $13 million for the HIV/AIDS services of the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center and San Francisco AIDS Foundation.

Pretty, huh?

The ride also marked the first time that I had a major spill my bike. I fell going a little over 20 mph on the shoulder of a highway. I walked away from the accident with only a few scrapes and some bruised ribs, but my poor bike needed a complete overhaul.

I’m headed back to the ride this year and I’m going for an even larger fundraising goal – $5,000. If you would like to help me reach my goal, please click here for the donation page.

If you’re wondering what the ride is like, check out the video below. It shows all the 100+ mile days, cross winds, chow lines, port-o-potties and the other glamorous aspects of the ride. It also shares the stories of people affected by AIDS, the reason why we do the ride and the reason why we will keep doing the ride every year until we find a cure for this horrible disease.

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The Opposite of Sexy

A teenage fan could barely contain her excitement as she asked Carol Burnett, “Will you do your famous Tarzan yell?” With a smile, Burnett ran her hand across her neckline and replied, “Well I just shaved my chest, but I’ll give it a try.” As the crowd roared, she raised her hand to her mouth and belted out her trademark boozy yodel of a Tarzan yell.

I’ve been hooked on Carol Burnett ever since the first time I heard that yell. She will always do whatever it takes to get the laugh, whether that means playing Scarlet O’Hara in a dress made out of a curtain with a rod running through the back or wearing a pair of sagging, pendulous breasts in a sketch with Charo. She is always willing not only to be the butt of the joke, but also to look like the butt of the joke.

One day I tuned in to see her talk about her life and career on Inside The Actors Studio. She and the host, James Lipton, were talking about the themes she liked to explore in her comedy. Her favorite, she said, was the natural conflict between funny and sexy. Then she asked a question that I wasn’t ready for, a question far more profound than the material she is best known for – “Is funny the opposite of sexy?” Continue reading

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Marcel the shell with shoes on

This is one of the best things I’ve seen in a long time. Jenny Slate, the best thing to happen to SNL since Kristen Wiig, wrote and voiced the short. It’s just about as funny as her “fantasy car horn of your dreams” skit on SNL. Enjoy.

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

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Let’s make the “hermaphrodite pronoun” happen!

There’s a major flaw in the English language – there’s no genderless pronoun. The only solution is a genderless pronoun, or rather a hermaphroditic pronoun (depending on how much fun you are at parties) that can finally replace the dreaded he/she.

As your 5th grade teacher no doubt taught you and you promptly forgot, it’s grammatically incorrect to say they when referring to a single person. For example, “someone should throw away their Crocs immediately,” is perhaps the best advice you’ll ever get, but it’s grammatically incorrect. Someone refers to a single person while their obviously refers to more than one person. You could fix this nugget of wisdom by replacing their with his/her, but then you just end up with tons of slashes. And who wants that? Slashes are the switch blades of grammar. Do you really want to go around pulling them on him, her and your reader? No. Continue reading

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Kevmo.net, now more popular than a lesbian home movie! (But maybe not as funny)

When I started this blog I thought it would probably be read by a couple people: me, my mom and maybe a creepy internet stalker if I got really lucky. But now, according to Quantcast, it’s the 45,000th most trafficked website on the internet, narrowly edging out lesbian-home-movies.com. And all I can say is – my site definitely landed in the right area to pick up a few creepy internet stalkers. (Hello there.)

Honestly this blog has been a lot of fun. I try to keep posting, but I’ve been super busy this month.

If you have any tips, thoughts, stories, etc., please comment below or contact me directly with the handy dandy contact form on the About page.

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Cool posters prove once again that the Left has better designers than the Right

The Chamomile Tea Party has introduced a set of WWII-style posters urging the Tea Party to relax already. In their own words:

Tired of the rancor between the political left and right I’ve formed the Chamomile Tea Party, a calming force in American political discourse. When party politics, character assassination, and rhetoric take precedence over the good of the country it’s time to say enough is enough.

These are the first of our posters calling for change in our country. They are based on old propaganda posters from World War II, appropriated for the present political climate. Feel free to download the larger copies and pass them around.

Check out the entire set on Flickr.

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Twitter gets the Social Network parody treatment

I have mixed feelings about Twitter. On one hand it’s great for passing news and links quickly around the Interwebs. On the other hand it’s fracking annoying! I mean really, I don’t need to know where you are at all times. Pretty much since the age of 3 I figured out that people don’t cease to exist when they’re not in my eye sight. And how can you use Twitter for professional purposes and use the number 2 instead of to or too? Do you also print your resume on license plates? SMRT HIR?

Anyway, here’s a brilliant Twitter-themed parody of the upcoming Social Network movie. Continue reading

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Memos from the worst boss ever

Letters of Note recently posted a series of letters from the owner of the Tiger Oil Company written in the seventies. If you thought your boss was bad, check out the gems this man writes:

  • Do not speak to me when you see me. If I want to speak to you, I will do so. I want to save my throat. I don’t want to ruin it by saying hello to all of you sons-of-bitches.
  • I swear, but since I am the owner of this company, that is my privilege.
  • Anyone who lets their hair grow below their ears to where I can’t see their ears means they don’t wash.
  • In case anyone does not know who owns Tiger Oil, it is me… do not let anyone think they are the owner but me.
  • Executive personnel who are in my office and have to be excused to go to the bathroom may use the one outside my office so no time is wasted going all the way down the hall.
  • Effective now, all employees will be docked for the time they are off sick, unless I authorize you to pay them.
  • Idle conversation or gossip in this office among employees will result in immediate termination.

Check out the full memos here.

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Fantastic stories about quitting jobs

It turns out that the woman that white boarded her “I quit” message to her boss was a big fake. But, that didn’t stop heaps of readers from sharing their stories of quitting their jobs. NY Mag has put together a rather fantastic list of the top stories, beginning with this gem:

The woman who actually pushed her grabby boss to the floor:

I knocked down my first boss. On my first day at a small art publisher in the mid-70s, I saw that he was openly pawing all the young female employees. He looked like a disgusting Rowlandson caricature, and he had one hanging in the office. I went down to the public phone, called Unemployment to find out how many weeks I needed to work to collect, and ducked him for that period. It was like running a football field. On the day I could get Unemployment, I allowed him to touch me for the first time, pushed him hard so he fell over backwards, was fired, and finished my BA on the Unemployment money. To all young women I say, “Be Tactical.”

Check out the rest of the stories at NY Mag.

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Can you quote me for a three page site?

(from clientsfromhell.net)

A Three Page Site

Client: “Can you quote me for a three page site?”

Me: “Sure. What are the three pages?”

Client: “Home, Contact, and Login.”

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